mr. plaster jesus is really, really funny. gotta love the pgh.
some highlights:
Q: Yunz ain't really from Picksburgh, are yunz? Why would Jesus come dahn tahn? I bet yunz is near that brew pub that use to be a church. I don't know if that's Jesus but I know yunzs' shawer needs red up.
Jun-15-05
A: ... Hauscome Jesus come dahntahn n'at? Fer an ice cole arn, an Isaly's chipped chopped ham sammitch, anna Donnie Ahrs concert!
Q: Dear Shower Jesus: I must commend you for your listing and your compassion & patience for those who question this miraculous image. I was having a bad day when low and behold I happened upon your listing. Not long after I saw this wonderful photograph I won a scratch-off lottery card, my cat came back after going AWOL and my goldfish is looking perkier. I heard my favorite song on the radio and sure enough.... I found out I am being treated for dinner. An old friend called and apologised for not paying me back 15 years ago. The pain in my elbow is gone! Do you think Shower Jesus is responsible for all this? And if I wake up tommorrow and find out I won the Powerball will you allow me to bid on your auction? Praise Shower Jesus! Hallelujeh!
Jun-15-05
A: Have you considered the possibility that you could have just had a really, REALLY lucky day? I mean, even that dorky redneck farmboy got to marry Britney Spears for a few hours.
Q: ".....Cheerful Givers are the Ones God Prizes."..... II Corinthians 9:7 ......
Jun-15-05
A: "...Mix sour cream and pesto until well blended. Sprinkle with tomato. Serve with vegtables.".... Creamy Pesto Dip - Betty Crocker's Quick & Easy Cookbook, p.11
Q: How are you going to send that to the winner?
Jun-15-05
A: I was planning on packing it up and shipping it with insurance... Although we could investigate the possibilities for fossilized DNA extraction, incubation, and cloning of a passenger pigeon. If of course you desire more drama in your chosen form of Icon transport.
Q: I'm thinking your throne might be concealing yet another work of art from the great beyond! Don't know what you do for a living, but you should consider writing. Your comments are a hoot. Good luck!
Jun-15-05
A: I have concealed quite a few pieces from the great beyond in that throne, no doubt.
Q: I'm looking for a piece of fruit (preferrably melon) with an image of Carol Channing, or maybe Liza Minelli (pre-alcoholic).
Jun-15-05
A: Would a spanish peanut bearing a striking resemblence to the late, great Abe Vigoda suffice?
Q: THIS SELLER AND ALL BIDDERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR PARTAKING IN THIS UNHOLY AUCTION! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY! ALL PRAISE ALLAH!!
Jun-15-05
A: Dude - you recently purchased a Sea Monkey doll using BuyItNow. The only thing that you should be praising are your parents for letting you live in their basement.
Q: Will you accept Paypal buyer credit? I need a payment plan as I can't afford to buy this item and tithe at the same time.
Jun-15-05
A: Yes, PayPal buyer credit is accepted. And, for what its worth, the Law of Moses was cancelled at the cross. There is no mandate for tithing. Feel free to party like its 417 A.D.!
Q: If I can't come up with $1,999.99, would you accept 30 pieces of silver?
Jun-15-05
A: Sorry, this isn't WoW. If it was, then this trinket would certainly grant the holder +5 fire resistance. Plus, that cute night elf hunter you've had your eye on might finally come around.
Q: To tell you the truth, it kinda looks like Zantar (the fortune machine the kid wished to on the movie "Big" starring Tom Hanks. Have you attempted to disconnect your electricity and wish for goods or services? What would you wish for?
Jun-14-05
A: Unfortunately, I do not live near Coney Island. Neato idea, though.
Q: What's this now?
Jun-14-05
A: This an auction of water-stained plaster on eBay (a part of the intarweb). If you are pointing at something else while asking that question, I'm afraid that I cannot be of any assistance.
Q: I hope the .65 cents you spent for this stupid auction was worth it.
Jun-14-05
A: I don't think that anyone has spent .65 cents on anything in about 200 years. They invented the penny and decided to round things up to whole cents at that time.
Q: What makes you think that is the way Jesus looked any? The stain does resemble a mans face, but if you never seen Jesus how can you claim it looks like him.
Jun-14-05
A: I tend to go with my gut instinct. When i saw the face, I exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" without hesitation. Other people may see Ted Nugent, Steven Wright, Frank Zappa, or Charles Manson. But I rarely, if ever, hear anyone suddenly exclaim "Frank Zappa!" in my day-to-day passings.
Q: If Shower Jesus got into a fight with Salt-Stain Jesus and Potato-Chip Jesus, who would win? I'd like to bid on the winner.
Jun-14-05
A: Shower Jesus would win. Potato-Chip Jesus would get wet and soggy, and Salt-Stain Jesus would dissolve. Hypothetically, I mean.
Q: Have you gone insane? If some twit does actually purchase this moldy wall depicting Jesus, will you donate the money to the church or buy some comet cleaner?
Jun-14-05
A: I dont have any comets that need cleaning. To be honest, I'm actually surprised that there is even a market for that type of cleaner.
Q: Have you considered taking Clorox to the mold in your bathroom?
Jun-13-05
A: Are you suggesting that I bleach his hair and beard? That might look bitchin' - good idea.
Q: here is proof that jesus liked his wine: clearly his friends have shaved his eyebrows off. do you concur?
Jun-13-05
A: While it wasn't a popular style of the time, Jesus was a trend-setter. He was hardly a conformist, ya know?
Q: How much would you charge to let me come pray in your bathtub?
Jun-13-05
A: That service is not offered at this time. Some have chosen to pray to the porcelain god just on the other side of the wall, though.
Q: Good Luck, Looks like Rob Reiner to me.
Jun-13-05
A: Tally: Jesus, Shakespeare, Cat Stevens, the lead singer of Nickleback, Apollonius of Tyana, David Crosby, the Zig-Zag rolling papers guy, John Lennon ...
Q: Do you happen to have any plaster wall Apollonius of Tyana?
Jun-13-05
A: No, I apologize. If I come across one (or any other miracle worker from the age) I will let everyone know.
Q: Are you sure that's jesus? Or is it a collection of stubbles that landed there after years of you shaving your hairy legs in the tub? thanks --kg
Jun-13-05
A: I will have to direct that question to my girlfriend. I am not wise in the ways of stubble displacement.
Q: Hi, Does Shower Jesus have the abiliy to turn water into wine? If so, can I buy the showerhead too?
Jun-13-05
A: Wow - another excellent question! Personally, I have not seen such an event occur. As much as I would enjoy a nice, dry merlot I do not think that my hair would have quite the same sheen that it carries these days.
Q: This looks like a load bearing Jesus... will I be responsible if your bathrooms collapses when I try to remove him?
Jun-13-05
A: Jesus can carry quite the heavy load, indeed. I would hope that the party selected to remove the section would be qualified to make such decisions, and the insurance to cover unforeseen circumstances.